Dear Brooke,
You are a real creature of habit. I know you only push yourself enough to give the appearance of something new, but secretly stay within your comfort zone. I think you even try to fool yourself that you are pushing your limits. Being timely and making sweet images isn’t necessarily making your art.
Sure, it’s been awhile since you’ve made projects. Art history and educational psychology have pushed your brain into clean linear processing techniques. You’ve even augmented this kind of thinking with meditation routines that slap your mind for wandering off into discursive thoughts. All of this to keep your life balanced and tidy. And then after this you get frustrated when your mind can no longer dream up those juicy, bizarre narratives and images that used to occur so naturally.
Here’s two pieces of advice that I think might help you be less hard on yourself and more receptive to the world unfolding around you:
(1) Do not waste your time on things you do not care about. You do not need to make every single homework assignment. You do not need to spill all your efforts into required courses you feel no fire for. Do what you need to do to meet requirements and then refocus that extra effort you’ve put into be a perfectionist into your art. Because it will help your soul, unlike those other responsibilities that are dead set on killing it. And let’s be honest, sometimes its fun to shirk off the occasional responsibility.
(2) If you want to clear your mind through meditation, that’s fine. Just remember observing and watching are meditations too. I know you feel like you used to be more interesting and have unique ideas that. You’re confused why they have wilted with the dawn of your 20s. Well here’s a clue: Stop looking inside yourself for weirdness, look around you for it. It’s all full circle anyways- by looking out you will eventually look in again.
A recap: Don’t waste your time and start paying attention. Not to the petty bullshit of endless schoolwork, housework, workwork, but to the small moments of inspiration happening all the time. That’s where the bizarre lives.
Lastly, never ever let the fear of bad art stop you from making art every single day. Being an artist requires grit and spit and that doesn’t come from an occasional drawing. That comes from putting in your hours everyday. I am happy to say, I’ve never seen you put in more hours than you have recently.
Keep going because you’re doing just fine.
Your friend,
Sol
Sound & Sweet 